ANGEL OF DEATH

WARNING: The names used on this NOTE are REAL PEOPLE. THEY EXIST, BUT PART OF THIS STORY IS OF THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATIONS.

It was one of those lovely days. A spring on every step I took. I just received my monthly allowance from my DAD. I Visited the joint, where I downed a BOTTLE OF GIN mixed WITH COCA-COLA with my friends in EKOSODIN VILLAGE, Benin. STUDENTS OF UNIVERSITY OF BENIN (UNIBEN) LIVED IN THE VILLAGE. RICHARD IRIKEFE, MY CLOSE BUDDY, partook in that DAILY COMMUNION. We got our KICKS faster, than wasting valuable resources buying LAGER BEER. I DID NOT SMOKE THE SMOKE . I DID NOT LIKE THE TASTE. Meaning, I tasted it like any CORRECT GUY. Ask my Paddy, CLINTON, OBAMA and DAVID CAMERON.

As I approached the gate of UNIVERSITY OF BENIN from EKOSODIN Village, I saw HER. SHE had a SWAGGER in her WALK and SWAYED LIKE A REED BLOWN BY THE EARLY MORNING BREEZE. I stopped, and UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE POTENT BREW, saw A CROSS BETWEEN PETULANT NAOMI CAMPBELL and LINDA EVANGELISTA.

I rubbed my eyes to be sure she WAS NOT AN APPARITION OF THE VIRGIN. One was SIGHTED in BENUE STATE THAT PERIOD and THE HOME OF THE UNCLE OF ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN BENIN. It was the SEASON OF THE SIGHTING OF THE VIRGIN BY CATHOLIC FAITHFULS. A PERIOD even when the DRAWING LEFT ON THE WALL BY TWO-YEAR OLDS were seen AS THE APPARITION OF VIRGIN MARY. GOD HAVE MERCY ON US!!! I always wondered why the VIRGIN would choose NIGERIA as a LOCATION FOR APPEARANCES. HOW MANY VIRGINS ARE LEFT IN NIGERIA?

She was gaunt. Her nose LIKE THE BEAK OF A HAWK. My heart raced like HAMILTON ON THE WHEELS. I DO NOT LIKE VETTEL. I saw CLEOPATRA and NERFETITI come to LIFE. I fear no WOMAN BORN OF MAN. I approached her and in MY ACQUIRED BRITISH ACCENT I copied from MY UNCLE’S WIFE(AUNTIE GAIL) who is BRITISH and had been MARRIED TO MY UNCLE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS.

I asked the GODDESS HER NAME. SHE APPRAISED ME and told me ANGELA. I called her ANGEL and asked her where she was swaying to. She smiled revealing a good dentition. I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED MY FRIEND WHO SPENT 10 YEARS IN UNIBEN TO ACQUIRE A DEGREE IN DENTISTRY. HE CROSS-CARPETED from MEDICINE TO DENTISTRY. After near misses with EXPULSION, he eventually settled down, eschewing irrelevant full-time job of going after every skirt at sight, and graduated from DENTISTRY.

ANGELA told me she was going to CHIEF EDO’S HOUSE IN EKOSODIN VILLAGE. I HEARD CHIEF EDO HAS JOINED HIS ANCESTORS. HE LED THE WAR AGAINST THOSE WHO HELD THEIR MEETINGS ON TOP OF THE TREES IN EKOSODIN VILLAGE. TREES WERE CUT DOWN. THREE BIRDS WERE KILLED IN THE PROCESS AND THREE OLD WOMEN IN THE VILLAGE DIED THE FOLLOWING MORNING. SUCH WAS LIFE IN EKOSODIN VILLAGE. The GODS were always at war.

My friend was returning from a READING BINGE IN SCHOOL one night and had to pass the middle of EKOSODIN PRIMARY SCHOOL to get to his HOSTEL. He unknowingly passed through the middle of a GROUP OF BIRDS. The BIRDS flew off and he had a COLD CHILL. He did not WRITE the EXAMS that SEMESTER. He took ILL and was TAKEN HOME. He came back after 5 months and we learnt how a VISIT TO HIS VILLAGE IN AGENEBODE revealed he DISTURBED A HIGH POWERED MEETING THAT NIGHT. I will tag him on this NOTE to find out if he would AUTHENTICATE the STORY.

I had already TRUNCATED my JOURNEY into UNIBEN and was walking back into the village with ANGELA. Her accent immediately REVEALED she was an LIG (LOW INTELLIGENCE GROUP)- a TAG for non-UNIBEN GIRLS who lived close to the school and HELPED YOUNG AND OLD UNIBEN STUDENT S who could not MUSTER ENOUGH COURAGE nor HAVE ENOUGH SWAGGER TO GET SUDENT GIRLFRIENDS assuage THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES. A popular HOSTEL of a COMPUTER SCHOOL OFF UWASOTA ROAD and THE NURSING HOSTEL IN UNIVERSITY OF BENIN TEACHING HOSPITAL PROVIDED veritable HUNTING GROUNDS for such GUYS. I hunted their once and stopped when TWO GIRLS fought OVER MY OWNERSHIP IN UWASOTA, LILIBETH HOSTEL. An average UNIBEN GIRL spoke with a FAKE ACCENT except the WARRI AND SAPELE GIRLS who had nothing to prove to anyone in school. They were RAW and SIX PENCE A DANCE.

UNIVERSITY OF BENIN is bound by EKOSODIN VILLAGE, OSASOGIE ESTATE, BDPA ESTATE and IKPOBA RIVER. I cannot identify which area is EAST, WEST or NORTH. If you have the map, you can volunteer the coordinates. I know that the IKPOBA RIVER IS BY THE AGRIC FARM and YOUNG GUYS ALWAYS HELPED THEMSELVES WITH WHAT WAS ALWAYS LEFT BY THE RIVER SIDE AFTER FREQUENT VISITS BY WOMEN CLADDED IN WHITE AND RED CLOTHES SEEKING TO INFLUENCE THE GODS TO ENABLE A SUCCESSFUL TRIP ABROAD, preferably, ITALY . A friend’s girlfriend succeeded and was SENDING VALUABLES to the GUY from ITALY who used the PROCEEDS to GET a DECENT WIFE. What happened when the GIRL came back from ITALY is not for this NOTE. Last TIME I CHECKED, the GUY was in USELU PSYCHIATRY HOSPITAL.

I lived in EKOSODIN which was the DEN of UNSERIOUS STUDENTS. They took me in LIKE THE YOUNG JIM HAWKINS when MY DAD bought free BOOZE for some GUYS in HALL 1. HE followed me to SCHOOL to HANDLE MY REGISTRATION. I was YOUNG and PROTECTED. They begged him to go home. They promised to take care of me. When DR SCOTT EMUAKPOR told my Dad to leave me that I was not a Baby that I would sort myself out, he handed me over to the BROOD OF VIPERS without knowing it and left for the EAST. THAT WAS MY SECOND NUTURE COMPLEX.

My parents and my older brother were SHOCKED when I decided to study AGRIC ECONOMICS and TICKED UNIVERSITY OF BENIN as my first choice in JAMB. I grew up in a RESEARCH INSTITUTE and the courses of choice amongst the kids in my INSTITUTE then were MEDICINE, ENGINEERING, PHARMACY, LAW , GEOLOGY and the high sounding courses. The schools of choices were UNIVERSITY OF PORTHARCOURT, UNIVERSITY OF NIGERIA, IMOSU, they now call it IMSU not to lend CREDENCE to the OSU CASTE system in IGBO LAND which inadvertently appears in the name IMOSU. FUNNY!!

News filtering from BENIN, BENDEL STATE then was not healthy. FREQUENT STUDENT DEMONSTRATIONS and ANINI THE GREAT. They did not realize in my home that my attraction were the demonstrations and to see ANINI THE ROBBER. It was when I threatened to relocate to Aba in Abia State, Nigeria and learn the MEDICINE STORE BUSINESS that they summarily let the MAD MAN and HIS THOUGHTS to be.

My first introduction into BENIN was a BTV news of A WOMAN CLIMBING DOWN from the PYLONS OF HIGH TENSION POLES one bright morning. When she came down and was interviewed, she intoned that SHE WAS GOING FOR A MEETING AND HER AEROPLANE CRASHED ON THE HIGH TENSION WIRES. My heart leapt with joy at that news, for I REALIZED THAT I HAD CHOSEN THE RIGHT CITY AND SCHOOL. It was going to be an EVENTFUL 5 years. I ended up spending 13 years in BENIN, was in DIASPORA, lost CONTACT with my family and became A LOCAL TV STAR. That’s the story for another day. OBA ATOPE, ISE!! I had A TITLE, "the ODIONWERE OF ONI STREET, GRA BENIN".

Chief Oni was the HEAD OF THE OLOKUN CULT and HIS HOUSE was opposite my house at 13 ONI Street, GRA, BENIN. I lived in GRA BENIN when I left school with my GREAT PALS, PATRICK OKPEKU(MAY HIS SOUL REST THE PEACE), OSAINOMA OKPEKU AND OSY OHIEN. We ran a TV PROGRAMME, CUTZ, STYLZ AND GISTZ with AKUNNA NWAGHA (neeOJIJI) , LILY IGBINOSUN, OMONI OBOLI (nee UKEY) and BARBARA OKOJIE of DANGEROUS FAME. HIGHLY INTELLIGENT WOMEN who DID NOT NEED SCRIPTS to DISCUSS ANY TOPICS. We had a SESSION with KEPPY EKPENYONG and OBY EDOZIEN. We took them on the program once to talk about their MOVIE, ‘TO HAVE AND TO CHERISH’. My friend DAVID IVAN DANISA introduced them to us and MATHIAS OBIAGHABGON was in TOW as the PRODUCER. They were disappointing and HAD to constantly look at their scripts. KEPPY was ADEPT at DOING JUSTICE to CHELSEA DRY GIN then. I do not know if he has stopped.

We were KINGS AND QUEENS OF THE TUBE. WE RULED BEFORE the COMING OF KENNY AND D1. WE had ADVERTS from COWBELL, TOP TEA, PEAK, AFPRINT. We LIVED in a 3 BEDROOM BUNGALOW we got for N70K then, and LEASED OUT THE BQ to a STAFF from CBN, BENIN for 100k who was HAPPY to get PECKS from OUR TABLES of BEAUTIFUL WOMEN who THRONGED our HOME seeking to APPEAR ON THE TV PROGRAMME. We would collect his N100k and pay the Landlord N70K pocketing N30k. He was paying our house rent and was living in the Boys Quarters.

Chief ONI EPITOMIZED weirdness and had about 10 WIFES, mostly acquired after visitations for solutions to problems. He had countless kids. One of the kids suddenly saw an ADONIS in me. A wiry, dog-like looking creature. Ha!!! Daughter of the priest of OLOKUN. I was not ready to meet God. She even threatened to report me to her Dad. I called her BLUFF when Chief ONI was hospitalized for 4 weeks after consuming A LIFE CHICKEN during his annual JANUARY, IGBE (OLOKUN) FESTIVAL. The GODS must have gone to the MARKET that YEAR.

I honed my skills in EKOSODIN, but refused to sing with THE GUYS IN THE BUSHES AT NIGHT. They left me to my whims. The first hostel I stayed in, FLORI HOSTEL had a GARDEN OF WEEDS in front of it, planted by my friends. YOUNG MEN sent to SCHOOL by hardworking parents would SMOKE TO OBLIVION, sang SHABBA RANKING SONGS and argued that the INSCRIPTION ON A POSTER ON THE WALL IN OUR ROOM did not read "I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE", BUT "JAM THE BREAD OF LIFE". The "I" in the "AM" was actually curved like a "J" and looked like ‘JAM’ and had a PICTURE OF A BOTTLE OF JAM next to the BREAD. A FIGHT ENSUED OVER THE ACTUAL WORD. A lip was torn. I had to come in to SETTLE the IMPASSE since I was the ONLY SANE and SOBER ONE AMONGST THE LOT. I told them that the INSCRIPTION WAS ‘I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE, BUT SINCE THE BOTTLE OF JAM WAS NEXT TO THE BREAD, CHRIST HAD DECIDED TO J'AM THE BREAD OF LIFE.' THEY BELIEVED AND AGREED and the SMOKING CONTINUED. Maybe you have seen that POSTER too. The LIFE OF CANNABIS AND CHEAP GIN!!!!!

The next HOSTEL I STAYED in, GREEN HOUSE was so NOTORIOUS that the WOMAN who owned the HOSTEL had to CHASE US OUT and CALLED SOME PASTORS to SANCTIFY the HOSTEL when we LEFT. Don’t mind the woman, we even learnt that she killed her husband and inherited the property. We just left her to her wickedness.

I led the team with EDOJA that trapped a SHEEP meant for THE GODS of EKOSODIN VILLAGE and a BIG COCKEREL meant for the SHRINE of one of the chiefs of the village to our HOSTEL to be SLAUGHTERED. The VILLAGERS SWORE that those RESPONSIBLE for the DASTARD ACT would not graduate. I graduated, although some that innocently partook in the MEAL SPENT EXTRA 3 years in school. THE GODS MUST HAVE BEEN ANGRY with those that ATE but NOT THOSE that killed. EDOJA spent an EXTRA YEAR in school. He sold his travelling bag to some guys to raise money to print his project work. The project work was inside the bag. When we recovered the bag, he had lost about 30 pages of the script. Man cannot FATHOM the ways of the GODS. They choose whom to BLESS or KILL. I believe I belong to the former.

My friend Uche got the GREEN HOSTEL and immediately invited me to move in. I was a GREAT ASSET TO ANYONE and was SOUGHT BY MANY. The Flat had 4 ROOMS. Uche carved out a space in the sitting room and LET ALL OUT at a SUM TWICE the amount he paid for the FLAT.

Leslie was staying in one of the rooms. He left school in his second year and travelled to Australia. I ran into him recently in V.I.

A girl stayed in one of the rooms and always talked about London. She CLAIMED she was A VIRGIN. My friends complained bitterly about her fake lifestyle. They took the pains to find out where her home was in Benin and discovered it was UZEBU QUARTERS and that A SHRINE WAS AT THE BACK OF HER HOUSE. SHE HAD NEVER CROSSED OLOKUN JUNCTION IN BENIN not to talk about travelling to London. What was my own? I liked the girl since she ALWAYS kept her SOUP AND STEW in our REFRIGERATOR. I never LACKED.

The other room was occupied by IFEANYI who THOUGHT in IGBO and had to convert his THOUGHTS from IGBO to ENGLISH before he could speak. You could IMAGINE the OUTCOME. His FATHER HAD CHAINS OF STORES IN ONITSHA and he was HAPPY to be ASSOCIATED with they who could SPEAK ENGLISH FLUENTLY. He never had a DECENT BABE in School. I never saw any with him. When he was not CALLING me ‘CHOCOMIRO’, he always BELLOWED, ‘CHARY MY GUY!!!’ to my chagrin and amusement. Most Onitsha and Nnewi folks of Igbo extraction have problems with the letters ‘L’ and ‘R’ and interchange them at will in words. One girl I once considered marrying had that problem. She was in UNIZIK AWKA and was studying Engineering on Shell Scholarship. I called off the union when all training could not help. She once said that her friend’s Dad had a ‘SHOP ON ASA LOAD IN ABA AND ROADED HIS DRINKS FROM HIS SHOP TO THE ALIALA MARKET’. Would you blame me for running? She is in UK now with her Husband and Kids. I spoke to her on phone last year. She was still PATHETIC.

The MAKESHIFT ROOM in our GREEN HOSTEL was OCCUPIED by BERTRAND, Uche’s cousin. I wonder how he passed JAMB. At a point he left the room and moved back into school citing UNDUE INFLUENCES ON HIS CHARACTER by us. I WONDER WHAT CHARACTER HE HAD. I had to bail him out by writing a FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING EXAMS for him he failed 2 times and was risking spending 2 extra years in school. RICHARD IRIKEFE converted the room Bertrand vacated to his MUSIC ROOM where he would DISTURB us EVERY MORNING with BEETHOVEN, BACH, TCHAIKOVSKY and URHOBO MUSIC. I did not bother about the CLASSICAL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY SWAN LAKE by TCHAIKOVSKY, BUT THE URHOBO MUSIC that SOUNDED LIKE A GROUP OF INTOXICATED MEN ARGUING OVER WHO SHOULD TAKE THE LARGEST PIECE OF MEAT AFTER A MEAL. I wondered how he liked SUCH CACOPHONY.

A HOSPITAL OFF EKEWUAN ROAD BENIN, NEKPEN HOSPITAL, was the HOME of ABORTION IN BENIN. MY FRIEND HAD 3 CASES in one MONTH. I had to ACCOMPANY ONE OF THE GIRLS to the HOSPITAL since HE WAS BATTLING with the OTHER TWO. I refused to go AGAIN when the GIRL was ready for ANOTHER VISIT after TWO MONTHS. My friend Simeon informed me that the OWNER OF THE HOSPITAL has GONE STRAIGTH AFTER NIGHTLY DISTURBANCES BY THE SPIRITS OF EVACUATED FETUSES. One of the PREGNANT GIRLS DISAPPEARED to RESURFACE AFTER NINE MONTHS WITH A DAUGHTER that LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE MY GUY. HE COULD NOT DENY. HE LEFT A DAUGHTER IN BENIN. I SPOKE TO THE GIRL RECENTLY. She is 14 years old.

OUR TWO FRIENDS were MEDICAL STUDENTS. One was called DOCTOR DANGER and the other DOCTOR SLY. They smoked more weed than anyone. They are both in Lagos today practicing the TRADE. I took ill one day and had the misfortune of being around their territory. I VEHEMENTLY DECLINED to be TREATED by them despite their entreaties . Ha!!! Doctor DANGER AND DOCTOR SLY to treat me??

I was AN UNREPENTANT AND SERIAL EXAMS WRITER IN UNIBEN. I WROTE EXAMS IN ALMOST ALL THE DEPARTMENTS IN UNIBEN. A MEATPIE AND A BOTTLE OF COKE IN OKONKWO’S STORE IN SOCIAL SCIENCES was ALL IT TOOK to BUY MY SOUL. I was not the food type and was living on SODA.

Just provide your NOTE BOOK and give me a 5-HOUR WINDOW, depending on the course, and you are SAFE.

I wrote MODERN HISTORY FOR SOMEONE. I remember writing about THUCYDIDES. I wondered then why SOMEONE would leave the FATHER’S HOUSE to come to school to SPEND 4 YEARS to study HISTORY. I helped one GIRL with SYNTAX and POST-POSITIVE FUNCTIONS OF ADJECTIVE IN ENGLISH DEPT. I had to MEMORIZE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE.
I helped a guy in Law with JURISPRUDENCE. He was BEFUDDLED with LAWS AND MORALS, JOHN LOCKE and POSITIVISM. I wrote PSYCHOLOGY AND SOCIOLOGY EXAMS too . They were my favorite.

I had to MEMORIZE names like TIBIA and FIBULA, HUMERUS and ULNA for a guy in MEDICINE. I wrote the ANATOMY EXAMS. a FRIEND was sent packing from medical school during his third year . He could not pass the MBBS EXAMS later. He took solace in TELLING GIRLS ABOUT FERRARI TESTAROSA AND LAMBOURGHINI COUNTACH . I wonder what he would be doing now. Hope not a medical doctor.

I was known. Just call CHOCOMILO and you would pass your exams. I was writing MACRO ECONOMICS exams for one of my friends in MBA 1 CLASS when a guy sighted me and knew there was no way I could have failed that course. I was in MBA 2. He knew my PROWESS in FACULTY OF AGRIC. He moved his PAPERS next to my DESK. When he saw the NAME I REGISTERED on the ANSWER SHEET, he smiled and HAILED ME. He copied ceaselessly. I asked him what he would have done if he did not see me in the hall.  He unearthed rolls of sheets from his pants when we left the hall. My friend I wrote the EXAMS for was CALLED BY THE LECTURER to CONGRATULATE HIM FOR SCORING 92% in the exams. HE DID NOT GO to see the lecturer.

One of my friends in FACULTY OF AGRIC cried and begged me to help him in one of our exams. He was worried he was going to make a THIRD CLASS and wondered what he would tell his PARENTS. I allowed him COPY MY SCRIPT. It was a 4 UNIT COURSE and he made an A-. The only A he ever made in his 5 year sojourn in UNIBEN. He ended up with a 2:2. He has never stopped buying me BEER till date.

A girl in my class sat next to me in a STATISTICS EXAMS and CONFESSED to me she DID NOT Know what the course was all about. I tried explaining DEVIATION FROM MEAN to HER and the POSITIVE SQUARE ROOT OF A VARIANCE. I TOLD HER the reason for ‘n-1’ in SAMPLING. GOD!!! she cried. I wonder what BACKGROUND she had . I allowed her to copy my script, almost copying my Matriculation Number. HARRISON ENABULELE SCORED 96% and I SCORED 94%. She passed and the next SEMESTER was SHIPPED TO FLORIDA BY HER PARENTS.

A girl HIJACKED MY SCRIPT in one of the GENETICS EXAMS. CHROMOSONAL ABBERATION MEANT NOTHING TO HER. Why should she be bothered about 2N+1 chromosomes, ADENOSINE, CYTOSINE, THIANINE and GUANINE. She just had to pass the course. ESOSA OWVIEBO should know THE STORY. Our INVIGILATOR saw her actions and SMILED. He pleaded with me to ALLOW HER COPY. I was SHOCKED!!!. She copied and passed.

My CLASS MATE, KOFI, was CAUGHT BY A TRAP IN THE FOREST DURING OUR INDUSTRIAL TRAINING. HE WAS IN THE FORESTRY DEPARTMENT. HE ALMOST LOST A LEG. HE SMOKED 5 PACKETS OF MARLBORO A DAY AND HAD A DARK SWOLLEN LIP AND AN ACCOUSTIC SIGNATURE. A DEEP COUGH. Men, KOFI was UGLY and without a LEG, it would have been DISASTROUS. He only ended up with a LIMP.

I was in the LAWN TENNIS TEAM in the SCHOOL. The first day I came to the TENNIS COURT, I defeated the SCHOOL NUMBER 4. They drafted me into the WAUG TEAM IMMEDIATELY. I COLLECTED THE CAMP ALLOWANCE and NEVER PLAYED FOR THE TEAM. I played lawn tennis as a child and reconsidered my HIGH AMBITIONS when I took a dive on a HARD COURT a la BORIS BECKER and sustained serious injuries not realizing BECKER was diving on WIMBLEDON GRASS COURTS not HARD COURTS.

A GIRL in the SCHOOL’S FEMALE SPORTS TEAM SPRAINED HER ANKLE. I had to take her back to her ROOM IN EKOSODIN VILLAGE, TREATED HER, TUCKED HER IN BED and LEFT AFTER 12AM. The next day the NEWS was AGOG that I was IMPOTENT. She told her FRIENDS that she gave me all the GREEN LIGHT and I TURNED HER DOWN. That Event still HAUNTS ME. WELL!! I HAVE SIRED GIOVANNI AND ANDRE.

I had about FIVE (5) Girlfriends at this time. I PREACHED the CONCEPT of ‘VALUE ADD’ in relationships. Sex was not the PIVOT. Values were added.
No. 1 was living in VICTORIA ISLAND. My friends hailed me for the CAPTURE. We transferred the CUSTODY OF HER ALLOWANCE from the school guardian to GREEN HOSTEL. I planned and executed the coup. She moved in with us. We sold her RADIO SET, ELECTRIC IRON and BED SHEETS to FUND my FRIEND’S ABORTION TRIPS.
One of her friends did not like me and reported to her parents that she was LIVING WITH A MAN OFF CAMPUS. She was BUNDLED back to the HOSTEL, BUT ALL HER VALUABLES TOOK RESIDENCE IN EKOSODIN. That was more IMPORTANT. I saw that ROOM MATE recently in SURULERE TUGGING TWO ROTUND DAUGHTERS to LIFELINE HOSPITAL FOR KIDS. I reminded of her FOOLERY and we LAUGHED IT OFF. She is a MOTHER NOW.
No. 2 was AUXILLIARY. Her parents were living in IKOYI. When her parents retired from the Ministry, left the government quarters and moved to Iyana Ipaja, a Lagos Surburb outside IKOYI, she LOST RELEVANCE.
No. 3 grew up in LONDON and had a funny BRITISH ACCENT. She would complain to my friends that CHOCO WAS ALWAYS PADDING BACK AND FORTH FROM the FEMALE HOSTELS with an accent like one with a BOIL on HER ARMPIT. She was a COMIC RELIEF.
No. 4 was liked by my friend from Agenebode. My friend liked OYOO(Beans) and she was always cooking that for him. She was rich. Her father had a manufacturing plant in Malaysia. She attended Queens Enugu. I was forced into that relationship. She refused to go out with my friends and I was called in to capture her. I once pretended I had an ASHMATIC ATTACK IN SCHOOL. SHE cried like a WIDOW WITH TWO KIDS WHOSE HUSBAND DIED WITHOUT A LIFE INSURANCE OR PENSION FUNDS. She DROPPED 10K. RICHARD IRIKEFE and UCHE collected the 10k to buy VENTOLIN INHALER for me. We met inside the SCHOOL TO SHARE THE BOOTY. I just ended the relationship without any reasons. I did not like her.
No. 5 was the daughter of a RICH ELECTRONICS TYCOON in Benin. My friends, RICHARD IRIKEFE and JOE SIMPSON liked her. They always pretended they were going to her ROOM to PLAY a GAME of CARDS. I always saw EMPTY PLATES OF PASTA and RICE in front of them whenever I got to HER room. They were always in her room. When the relationship packed up, they blamed me and were not HAPPY. I knew their reasons.

To get to the CRUX of the matter, I concluded that ANGELA was not worth my time since she was an LIG. I then remembered the CELIBATE IFEANYI in my FLAT. The plan was to introduce her to Ifeanyi. I summarily INVITED HER TO GREEN HOUSE. She agreed to VISIT that evening.

I made a U-TURN and went into school. I took a BIKE to OSASOGIE STORES. I always VISITED MY FRIENDS THERE ANYTIME I WANTED TO FOOL MYSELF and ‘FORM AJE BUTTER’ as was WONT with the PEOPLE on THAT SIDE OF THE UNIBEN DIVIDE. FULL GROWN MEN WOULD SPEND 5 LONG HOURS ON A BOTTLE OF BEER AND 2 STICKS OF ROTHMANS PLAYING POOL and TELLING STORIES ABOUT AMERICA AND LONDON. They HAD RECORDS OF SPENDING EXTRA 2 YEARS IN SCHOOL. I must confess, most times, I would tell TALES about WORKING in MACDONALDS and HARRODS IN LONDON during VACATIONS. YOUNG GIRLS WOULD SIT WITH MOUTH AGAPE listening to my TALES and ACTING LIKE MAIDENS THAT were SENT BACK FROM THE VIRGIN DANCE WHEN IT WAS REALIZED THEY WERE NOT VIRGINS. STOOORRRRYYYYY!!! UNIBEN!!!!!!!!!

I left OSASOGIE after 4 hours of LIVING IN ILLUSIONARY GRANDEUR and took a BIKE to EKOSODIN VILLAGE to keep the date with Angela. My friends were in the Hostel. I informed them about ANGELA and the Date. One of my friends had met her and had tried bringing to the hostel. She declined then, he informed me and was happy she was coming.

ANGELA ARRIVED around 7pm. One of my friends was out to spend the night with a member of his HAREM. Our Hostel was buzzing with Life. Guys were Playing cards. Music was Blaring. We had no care in the world. It was a FRIDAY. YOUND MAIDENS were having their baths SINGING IN LOUD TONES waiting for their BOY and MEN FRIENDS. GOD, I LOVED UNNNIBBBEEENNN. ‘IF I SAY YES, IF I SAY NO’ rented the AIR. I WAS SOARING HIGH AND HAPPY.

Immediately ANGELA WALKED IN, the guys let out a SOUND hailing her. IFEANYI was happy too. He had money and was supplying the BOOZE. I introduced ANGELA and she joined in the competition to drink to stupor. She chatted freely with all the guys. ALL OF A SUDDEN she MADE A CHALLENGE. YOU COULD HEAR A COIN DROP.

ANGELA SAID SHE COULD SLEEP WITH ALL THE GUYS IN THE ROOM. .. I COUNTED 7. THE GUYS were initially shocked. LATER they took up her challenge were all GRUNTING LIKE PIGS, SCREAMED and immediately LED HER TO THE ROOM. I declined. THEY ALL TOOK THEIR TURNS. IFEANYI’S TURN CAME AND HE HAD A GLEE IN HIS EYES. HE CAME OUT AND ORDERED FOR MORE BOOZE. HE WENT A SECOND TIME.

ANGELA LEFT THE FOLLOWING MORNING. She was happy. We did not know why. We bade her BYE. She actually handled all the guys. 7 of them and came out UNSCATHED. Ifeanyi kept HAILING ME FOR SOLVING HIS SEX DEPRIVATIONS and DEPRAVATIONS.

On Monday, the guys were screaming. 5 had problems urinating. LATER TESTS REVEALED FOUR GONORRHEA CASES AND ONE SYPHILIS CASE . TWO of the guys were lucky. Ifeanyi was spared the agony.

ANGEL OF DEATH had STRUCK. The guys were treated. Ifeanyi paid for some of the treatments, while my CACHE of the valuable property of GF No. 1 came in handy.

Nobody saw ANGELA again. SHE JUST DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR. We heard from a GIRL IN THE VILLAGE AFTER 7 MONTHS THAT ANGELA WAS DEAD. She died in UBTH. The stories were; that SHE HAD HIV, some said she slept with an HAUSA MAN that used her for RITUALS. She actually died. ALL THE GUYS PANICKED. NO ONE HAD THE COURAGE TO GO FOR A TEST. BUT THEY ARE ALL ALIVE TODAY. 12 YEARS COUNTING. We later found out that ANGELA was from a POLYGAMOUS HOME WITH 23 KIDS. SHE HAD TO FEND FOR HERSELF and some of her younger ones.

MAY ANGELA’S SOUL FIND PEACE. I STILL SHED SOME TEARS ANYTIME I REMEMBER HER.

I wrote this NOTE IMMEDIATELY she came to mind; WITH ANDRE SUCKING AWAY AND GIOVANNI DRINKING APPLE JUICE FROM A CUP WITH WOODY AND BUZZ IMAGES ON IT ON A COLD WINTER NIGHT IN CHICAGO. I shed another round of tears. They have a home. Angela did not have a home, no love, no parental care and had to survive. Something in me changed after that experience.

SPARE A THOUGTH FOR SO MANY ANGELAS OUT THERE.

ADDENDUM: The names used on this NOTE are REAL PEOPLE. THEY EXIST BUT PART OF THIS THIS STORY IS OF THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATIONS.